


Instead Of Playing Defense

by drop_of_ink



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Inspired by Music, Mild Language, Nervousness, Non-Graphic Violence, Reader-Insert, Song Lyrics, Song: Say You Won't Let Go (James Arthur), Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28458360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drop_of_ink/pseuds/drop_of_ink
Summary: Reader catches Steve's eye but he plays defense instead of going for what he wants.Inspired by Say You Won't Let Go by James ArthurAll italicized lyrics belong to the song Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur and are not mine.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

_I met you in the dark, you lit me up. You made me feel as though I was enough._

I like to think of myself as someone who looks at the glass as half-full instead of half empty. Although even I must admit that my glass was starting to splinter. I had been in this hellhole for over a year… I think. It was hard to keep track of days when you were in a room with no widows or regular meals.

Today the cracks in my glass were to the point of shattering when alarms suddenly start blaring. Within minutes guards are flooding the room, but not to get one of us to experiment on… Assholes. Anyway, they were crowding in, guns pointing at a target I couldn’t see with so little light.

Avoiding the door of my cage had become a habit to avoid the guard’s mockery and beatings. My intrigue at the situation overcame my fear, and I found myself pressing against the door trying to get a glimpse of who has these jerkwads so worked up. My fellow captives were doing the same.

A deathly quiet filled the air. Everyone tenses, and then a singular voice is heard saying, “You’re going to pay for all the pain you have caused.”

Those words break the silence and spurs everyone outside of the cages into action. After a few moments of action, a blonde man begins taking out the guards between him and the cages. He uses his shield with a precision that only comes from experience. As the shield returns to him, I catch a glimpse of the logo it sports. That red, white, and blue is extremely recognizable. The star-spangled man with a plan is here.

I’m not the only one who has noticed based on the cheers that break out and continue as if this is no more than a television wrestling match. Captain America has made his way through that wave of guards and to the cells where everyone, me included, has moved away from the doors, praying he will knock them down. He proceeds to use his shield to knock the locks off my cell and the cells on either side of me.

Equal parts terror and excitement fill my weary soul. I’m free. For the first time in over a year, I have control over whether I can leave this foul cage. On the rare occurrence they took us out of the cells to let us train I soaked in all the information I could. They broke my body and forced these powers upon me. Since that choice was taken from me, I decided to learn all I could so when I got my chance, I could make them pay. With so little food given to us, only the irony of them being destroyed by their own creation kept me going. I quickly learned the cages had some sort of technology or magic that suppressed our powers. So, I bided my time until I had the chance to seek my revenge.

These feelings fuel me to push open the door and walk out of it. The moment I am past the threshold I can feel my powers surging to the surface. With a smile I turn and begin unlocking the cages Captain America didn’t get to, while sending up a prayer of thanks that my powers were of the telekinetic variety and allowed me to help others get out too.

The fighting has continued behind me while I unlock cages. There is a break in the action and for a moment I feel a pair of eyes on me. Then Captain America’s commanding voice fills the room, “Tony, Sam, I’m in the northwest corner of the building. Once you finish gathering the intel, head my way, I found the hostages.”

After those words, the fighting continues, and I keep focusing on unlocking cages. A few more guards get taken out, then the sound of a gun being cocked catches my attention. Glancing over my shoulder, Captain America is throwing the last guard across the room. Actually, the second to last. One guard is left standing with a gun aimed at that pretty blonde head. Simultaneous thoughts pop into my head. 1. Am I really focused on how hot he is? 2. I need to protect him. As these thoughts are processed the trigger is pulled and the bullet is on its way to his head.

Lifting one hand I manage to entrap the guard and the bullet. Seconds after, Captain America turns around and quickly takes in the scene before knocking the bullet and Hydra guard to the ground.

I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure he is fine and that the guard is unconscious, when suddenly light blue eyes meet mine. Lowering the hand that was still raised, a smile breaks across my face. As I smile, I notice the Captain’s eyes look down at my mouth and then back up to my eyes.

Clearing his throat, he looks down at the ground as he states, “More guards are on their way. We need to get out of here.”

Tiring a bit from unlocking so many cages I try keeping my voice even as I reply, “Fine by me. I just have two cages left to unlock. Do I have time?”

“Yes. If reinforcements get here before you are done unlocking, I’ll hold them. We are not leaving anyone behind.” He spoke with such confidence and authority it empowered me to quickly finish the task at hand.

The newly freed hostages gathered into a semi-circle around Captain America, looking to him for directions. He appeared to be listening to something or someone even though no one in the room was speaking. After a moment he spoke in a low voice, “Two of my teammates are quickly nearing that door. When we go out, do not be scared. They are here to help get you home.”

Faces in the semi-circle showed equal parts hope and skepticism. Luckily for us all, for the first time in over a year, hope had finally won.

**Steve’s POV**

Of course, it was a trap. I really should not be surprised. Now that Bucky was back, all I wanted to do was take down every Hydra base I could. Rescuing hostages while I was at it was just icing on the cake. Except now here I am, alone, and surrounded by a dozen Hydra agents. Many of whom are between me and the seemingly endless rows of cages holding people of varying ages and races. Bucky would kick my ass if he knew I had run off alone. Only after he’d kicked Hydra’s of course.

Sending up a prayer of thanks that Bucky was safe in Stark Tower, I slowly turn in a circle, taking in my surroundings. All along the wall across from the door are rows of cages. The room isn’t lit well but with enhanced senses I can make out about 20 people. After completing the circle, I see that the only way out of this room is the way I came in.

“You’re going to pay for all the pain you have caused.” I realize I’m the one speaking when I have half the sentence out. There’s a brief pause as the words are processed. The words being registered sparks the fight as we all jump into action.

After taking out about half the Hydra agents I was close enough to the cages to break a few locks with the shield. Hopefully, whoever is in there isn’t brainwashed and will be grateful for the release and go after the other Hydra members instead of me. With the locks on three cages broken I go back to dealing with the remaining Hydra agents. Just as I draw my hand back to punch one in the face, there is movement in the corner of my eye. The cages. Someone is coming out. Finishing off the agent in front of me I turn to look at whoever decided to come out. It appears to be a woman, maybe mid to late 20s. Her back is to me but based on the rest of the locks being popped open, it is obvious that she is telekinetic, similar to Wanda.

“Tony, Sam I’m in the northwest corner of the building. Once you finish gathering the intel, head my way, I found the hostages.” I turn to finish the job. Right as I throw a Hydra agent across the room, a light appears to my right. Turning I see a glow, once again similar to Wanda’s, only it is green instead of red. Wrapped in the green aura is an agent who had just shot off his gun, based on the bullet also trapped with him. Neutralizing the threat, I look up to see the telekinetic, still unlocking cages, only now she is looking over her left shoulder and lowering the hand she used to protect me.

I look closely at her, making sure everything is now fine, when my eyes are drawn down to her mouth. With a mental shake of my head, I look back up into her eyes, which are not any better than her lips were on my focus. The ground seems like a better place to direct my attention if I want to keep my wits. I clear my throat and say, “More guards are on their way. We need to get out of here.”

She sounds tired as she replies, “Fine by me. I just have two cages left to unlock. Do I have time?”

“Yes. If reinforcements get here before you are done unlocking, I’ll hold them. We are not leaving anyone behind.” I spoke with as much confidence as I could even though I felt shaken. Was this woman part of Hydra’s plan? No, her eyes were to kind and she was unlocking the last cages with the fire of a person ready to get the hell out of dodge.

The hostages gather around waiting for instruction. Luckily, none of us have to wait long. I hear Tony through the coms being snarky as usual. Something about the white knight soon arriving to slay the dragon and save the captured. I am somehow able to use my self-control to keep from rolling my eyes and instead speak to those around me, “Two of my teammates are quickly nearing that door. When we go out, do not be scared. They are here to help get you home.”

Many of them look nervous and scared, and they have every right to be. My eyes scan to look for injuries when I see my protector from earlier. Her arms are wrapped around herself, and she is looking at the ground, but there is a smile on her face. I feel another tremor shake the foundation of my soul. It scares me that in minutes this one person has become so important. And I didn’t even know her name.


	2. Chapter 2

_I held your hair back when you were throwing up._

The next few months passed with blessedly little excitement. Every hostage saved spent a month or so at the Tower getting healthy, finding family, and testing out powers. Only five of the hostages had spent enough time in Hydra’s clutches to be experimented on to the point of developing abilities, yours truly included. After a month everyone without powers had left to either reunite with family or start a new Hydra free life.

The remaining five stayed longer because a decision needed to be made. Stay to fight the good fight or be allowed to live a normal life. After all was said and done, I was the only one to stay. Everyone else wanted a normal life after the trauma they had endured. I didn’t blame them and was actually a bit jealous they had normal lives to return to. Hydra had burned my whole world to the ground, leaving only me to rise from the ashes. I snort softly. A phoenix, really?

Deciding to make a new life and family I joined the Avengers. Life became a comfortable routine of training and getting to know my new peeps. And while many of them (cough, Sam Wilson, cough) find the use of the term peeps annoying, I know they all secretly love it.

Then everything comfortable came crashing to a halt after six months.

“(Y/n), if you are willing, we need you for our next mission. It’s a large base and we need all hands-on deck. We are down a couple people with Barnes still recuperating and Clint deciding to finally use his vacation days.” Tony says that last part with a roll of his eyes.

I sit there in shock, mouth gaping like a fish. “Are you sure I’m ready?”

A large, warm hand squeezes mine. I look over to the owner of the hand with wide eyes. Steve. He gives me a small grin and says, “You have done fantastic honing your powers. You are nearly as good as Wanda now. If you don’t think you are ready, you don’t have to go. But I’ll be there with you to look out for you the whole time.”

By the time he finished he was practically whispering, so focused on making me feel safe. And it worked. Between his hand on mine and his words, I could feel the tension leaving my body.

Taking a deep breath, I look back to Tony and reply, “I’ll go.”

Two days later, at the unethical hour of 5 am, I was loaded into the quinjet with the rest of the team and headed to take out a high-ranking Hydra base.

After a couple hours we land and that is when it hits me. My very first mission. Why am I doing this? There’s no way I’m qualified or know everything I need to know. Thoughts like these keep racing through my head, and I can’t slow them down. Blue eyes come into view and break me out of the vicious storm swirling around in my head.

“(Y/n), I know you’re nervous. Use that to help you in the field. And don’t forget, I’ll be with you the entire time.” Once again, for reasons I don’t want to think about too hard, Steve is able to calm me down.

“Alright, let’s get this done.”

The team pairs up and heads in different directions to get things done as fast as possible. Tony and Bruce. Sam and Natasha. Wanda and Vision. Steve and Me. The two of us quickly take out the agents in our section and gather all the intel we can find.

Nearing the exit, I relax slightly knowing it is almost over. Rookie mistake. Steve hears the agents come up behind us and turns around before I even register the footfalls. I turn and at that moment multiple canisters are landing in front of and behind us. As soon as the canisters land, gas begins spewing out. Steve calling for help is the last thing I remember as I hit the ground.

\----------

Ow. My first thought as I wake up is that everything hurts. As I come to, I realize I am on the quinjet. Heading home I assume. I try sitting up and immediately regret it. My stomach gets that feeling that tells you that you are about to vomit your guts up.

Steady hands comb through my hair and hold it in a ponytail, and then one of those arms makes its way around my waist to steady me as I hurl up everything in my stomach.

What a bummer. I really like breakfast burritos and now I won’t be able to eat them for a while.

After what feels like ages, my stomach finally settles. Once it does, I decide thanks are in order to whoever held my hair back. Seriously though, what a champ. Turning with a wry smile, the view is once again a set of beautiful blue eyes. The knots in my stomach are back, but this time for a totally different reason.

Neither of us speak for a moment. After letting go of my hair Steve asks, “How are you feeling, (Y/n)?”

Swallowing thickly, I try to focus, but the hand still on my waist is now rubbing circles on my side, making it extremely hard to concentrate. It didn’t help that he said my name like it was a prayer.

“Um. I think I’m good. I’m starting to feel better.” I pause for a moment before realizing Steve had breathed in that gas also. “How are you feeling? Why aren’t you throwing up? You should be taking care of yourself not me!” The questions and statements leave my mouth in rapid fire succession as I look him over to make sure he is fine.

A tiny smile quirks the corner of his mouth as he looks down at me. “I’m fine, doll. The serum healed me quickly.”

The knots wind tighter hearing him call me doll. Am I about to throw up again? Or should I kiss him? Wait what? My thoughts keep me from responding so instead I look back at the floor.

After a few minutes pass I start to drift off against Steve’s shoulder. I fall asleep on Steve wishing I could do this every night.

**Steve’s POV**

_Then you smiled over your shoulder. For a minute, I was stone-cold sober. I pulled you closer to my chest._

As (Y/n) falls asleep against my shoulder, I close my eyes wondering what it would be like to have a normal life. A life where I fall asleep and wake up looking into the (y/e/c) eyes of this intelligent, funny, beautiful woman.

It has been a while since I have thought about trying to have a normal life. Since Peggy. Ever since, there was no point in thinking about it. Those thoughts just caused heartbreak for what could have been and then wasn’t.

Yet here I am thinking about a future I can never have with a woman who deserves so much more than the Avenger life. I’ll just have to focus on being her friend. That thought is almost laughable. Just remembering the last 10 minutes shows that’s not possible. When she looked over at me with that smile after I held her hair, any leftover dizziness the serum hadn’t taken care of was gone. Instant sobriety and focus on the smile that has made me feel something for the first time in a long time.

Looking back down at her face, I know nothing will get figured out tonight so I may as well relish the time I have with her in my arms. I recline back in the seat and pull her closer to me, laying her head on my chest before drifting off.


	3. Chapter 3

_‘Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go._

Waking up wasn’t nearly as pleasant as going to sleep. I went to sleep against solid muscle surrounded by warm, strong arms. I woke up alone in my bed at the Tower. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

After spending a few more minutes lying in bed I decided it was time for a shower. Now that I was awake it was hard to ignore the smell that I quickly figured out was coming from me. It was a mixture of sweat and blood and it was not pleasant. It was surrounding me since I was still in my mission gear. However, getting up to shower was easier said than done. I was so sore I almost fell over trying to stand up.

I carefully made my way to the shower and the heat of the water helped ease my soreness. When the water started to get cold, I got out and dressed in my go to comfort clothes, an oversized t-shirt and athletic shorts. Knowing everyone always gets the day after the mission to themselves, I decided it was the perfect time to keep binge watching some of my favorite shows.

Before settling down on the couch my stomach growls and reminds me that it was safe to eat again after throwing up the night before. This quickly leads me down a rabbit hole of memories from the day before. Remembering that Steve had seen me throw up is the one scene that replays over and over, and my decision to binge TV alone in my room looks even more amazing than it already did.

But first… food. The main area and kitchen were just down the hall. I could go to the kitchen really quick, grab as much food as I could carry, and I should be able to last most of the day in my room alone. With that plan in mind, I walk towards the door, trying to decide if I should watch Virgin River or The Umbrella Academy. I walk out of the door, and as I am pulling the door shut, the door directly across the hallway opens. The movement catches my eye and before I know it, I am once again drowning in pools of blue.

The heat rises in my checks as I remember that I threw up in front of this man less than 24 hours ago. Soon my checks resemble tomatoes as that memory is followed by the one of me falling asleep in his arms. I hesitate in the doorway unsure if it would be less awkward to go back into my room or if I could still rush into the kitchen to grab my snacks without much more awkwardness. While hesitating I see Steve is dressed to workout. Damn that shirt looks like a second skin.

Right as I was about to make a break for it to the kitchen, that deep and calming voice breaks the silence.

“How are you feeling?”

“Uh, I-I’m f-fine.” I stammer, wishing I would have come out of the room 30 seconds earlier so this wouldn’t have happened.

“That’s good.”

“H-how are you?” I mumble. Why does the mere presence of this man turn my brain into a stew of stupid?

“I’m good.” We both stand there, not quite sure what to do next.

“Well, I’m going to go workout. Enjoy your free day.”

He heads in the direction of the gym, and while I love to watch him go, I could feel a pit developing in my chest at the thought of him leaving. The feeling of that pit was not pleasant and a feeling I wanted to avoid at all costs. Embarrassment and awkwardness were a million times better. So, I took a deep breath and whispered,

“Wait.”

**Steve’s POV**

I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. Usually, it’s thoughts of the mission keeping me awake. What I could do better, how the team could improve, what tech would have been helpful. Those are my usual ‘night after a mission’ thoughts.

But not tonight.

Tonight, it was (y/e/c) eyes and a sweet, concerned face that kept me up. Since unfreezing, few people had ever cared to ask how I was feeling or ask if I was taking care of myself. But (y/n) did.

This woman deserves the world, but I was a soldier seemingly always looking for another war. I would have to be better at holding her at arm’s length, so she could live her life without me holding her back.

With that goal in mind, I figure a workout wouldn’t hurt. Clearly, I wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. Maybe a workout would finally clear my mind of (y/n)’s face. I change into a t-shirt and shorts and then throw on my tennis shoes. Outrunning these thoughts seems like a decent plan.

I head to the door and my mind registers the sound of another door opening as I reach for and then open my own door. For a serum enhanced brain, you would think I would process that information faster, but I don’t. Before I know it, I am staring at the pair of eyes that kept me awake all night.

Her cheeks flush which weakens my resolve to hold this woman at arm’s length. This is not good; I need to stay strong. Generic questions are fine right?

“How are you feeling?”, I manage to get out in what I hope is an even and normal tone.

“Uh, I-I’m f-fine.” she stammers back.

“That’s good.”

“H-how are you?” she mumbles. The way her eyes keep darting towards the kitchen, I get the feeling she came out for a food run.

“I’m good.” We both stand there, not quite sure what to do next.

“Well, I’m going to go work out. Enjoy your free day.”

I start to head towards the gym when I hear a quiet “Wait” from behind me. I turn around wondering if she really said it or if it was my mind playing tricks on me.

“Uh, after you work out, if you don’t have other plans or anything, you can always just chill with me and watch movies. Or TV shows. Whatever really.”

My heart is pounding like I have already worked out. Arm’s length. Remember the plan. “I’ll try, but Buck and I had talked about exploring the city more.” I was satisfied with my cover. I just need to make sure Bucky will cover for me if needed.

“Oh-okay. Well, if you change your mind…” She trails off and the look of disappointment cracks the brand-new foundation of the wall I was trying to build. She gives me a sad smile and walks away.


	4. Chapter 4

_I know I needed you. But I never showed. But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old._

**Steve’s POV**

I wonder if Tony would put a punching bag up in my room? Punching bags are a great way to release stress and tension. Doesn’t matter where that stress comes from. Even if it is because I want something and I’m not doing anything about it. My inner monologue really needed to take it down a notch. I came down here to get my mind off this, not think about it more.

The crack in the bag was getting longer. I knew I should stop and get a new bag so I wouldn’t have to clean up the mess I was about to make, but what can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment.

Everything I had felt since I met (y/n) boiled up and demanded to be felt. My mind thought it knew what was right, but my heart was fighting it with everything it had. With one final punch the bag explodes and its contents shower around me like a hailstorm.

“Who knew a little guy from Brooklyn could pack such a mean punch?”

I turned, problems momentarily forgotten, to look at my best friend. That smirk he constantly had before the war had made an appearance. “I joined the army.”

That comment earned me an eyeroll. Bucky had been at the tower for almost a year now. He was still healing, but the fact that he was safe and out of Hydra’s hands was enough. The fact that he came down to workout was enough. But Bucky starting the conversation? That was new and it was great to see.

“Want to spar with me? It’ll help more than the punching bag will.”

“What are you wanting help with? Because your fighting is second to none. I’ll spar with you if it’ll get you to release whatever is bothering you up here.” His comment was followed with a tap of his right hand to his temple. He still tried to use his left arm as little as possible, so I was a bit surprised he agreed to spar with me. The last time we sparred was a few weeks after we had brought him to the tower. It ended when his left fist connected with my face. Seeing that he caused a bloodied, broken nose to a man he somewhat remembered as his best friend didn’t end well. He holed up in his room for a week after that. But no matter what his issues were, his sweet tooth was always there. Nat’s homemade cheesecake is how we finally eased him out of his room.

“Fine. Let’s do this.” We got up in the ring and start to circle each other.

He strikes first with a punch aimed at my side. I sidestep out of range, staying on the defensive. He keeps coming at me, gradually adding more moves back-to-back. After a particularly long sequence with multiple punches and kicks we circle each other. A moment later he says, “Maybe if you would go for it” (right hook) “instead of playing defense” (left jab) “you would have everything you ever wanted” (sweep kick).

I could handle the physical attack just fine, but what he said was true, and it distracted me enough that the sweep kick knocked me on my back. I lie there staring at the ceiling, wondering how I could even attempt to go for the one thing I want.

While lying on the mat overthinking, Bucky’s face replaces the rafters in my line of vision. “You know what you want. Suck it up and go for it before it’s too late.”

“It honestly kind of scares me that you still know me so well.”

“Honestly, you’re an open book. Any Joe Shmoe could come off the street and see you had feelings for (y/n) after spending five minutes with the two of you.”

I knew he was right but knowing how easy I was to read did not sit well with me. Was I easy to read about everything? This could affect my performance as a teammate on missions.

“Stop.” This was emphasized with a slap upside the head. “You are overthinking it. You are fine in the field. You’re an open book in your personal life.”

After the slap, Bucky holds out his hand to help me up. Once I am upright, he looks me right in the eye and says, “Get out of your head and quit waiting around. From what I’ve heard, that hasn’t worked out so well for you in the past.”

His words are like a punch to the gut, and I physically flinch. Bucky looks a bit startled, but as I watch him think through the last few minutes his expression becomes confident once again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you with what I said, but I can see that you know I’m right. So, what are you going to do about it?”

What was I going to do about it? I knew very little about wooing women. That had always been Bucky’s area of expertise. “You were always better with the ladies than I was. I have no idea how to do this. Plus, I don’t even know how she feels… what if I mess it up before it begins.”

Moving to my left side he throws his arm over my shoulder, and we begin walking back to our rooms. I can feel the tension in him as he says, “I’ve been getting memories back, but so far none that will help you with your current problem. Sorry, pal. But even if she doesn’t feel the same, at least you will know so you can move on.”

I nod in response and hoping to ease the stress he feels about being unable to remember I smile and say, “Thanks for sparring with me. And for being honest with me. I needed that kick.”

“Anytime. Now go come up with a plan. I do have one piece of advice though.” I pause with my hand on my doorknob as Bucky walks a few more steps to his door. “You need to shower before you do anything. You smell.” That earns him an indignant look from me. “Don’t forget what I said, punk. No more playing defense.”

“I won’t, jerk. And hey, thanks again.”

With a nod, he enters his room and I do the same. Hopefully, a warm shower will spark some ideas about how to share my feelings and find out hers.


	5. Chapter 5

_And I’ll thank my lucky stars for that night._

I decided to watch Virgin River. I needed a good cry, and this show was guaranteed to help me out with that. Yesterday’s mission was more than enough action for me, so The Umbrella Academy would have to wait. A few episodes into season two and I had already cried enough to dehydrate myself. Part of me recognized that most of the tears were unrelated to the show I was watching. Steve kept popping up in my head and every time I thought about all the ways I had embarrassed myself in the last day, a fresh round of tears fell.

When the tears finally dry, I felt much better. Nothing like a good cry to let out all the pent-up emotions and calm your heavy heart. With a bit of calm finally settling over me, I burrowed even further under the covers. I needed to remember to thank Stark for making the rooms large enough for a living area. This couch and entertainment set rocks. Although now that I knew Tony, it didn’t surprise me that he went big, especially since he came up with the tech in the entertainment set.

About halfway through the season shit is getting real. I’m very invested in what is going on with Mel and Jack until I hear someone pounding at my door. No alarms are going off so surely nothing major is going on. I throw the blankets off and go open the door. A major sense of déjà vu washes over me as I once again open the door to meet eyes with the man I’ve spent way too much time crying over.

My inner surprise and confusion must have shown on my face because Steve looks down at the ground and his hands migrate to the pocket of his hoodie. Whoops… I definitely didn’t mean to make that face out loud. “Hey Steve. How was your workout?”

Looking up, a small smile graces his face. “Bucky sparred with me and we both left the gym without bleeding so I’m considering it a success.”

“Bucky sparred with you?! That’s great! I know he has been nervous about sparring, but I’m glad he was able to work through that. Sparring is a great way to...” As I ramble on, Steve’s small smile grew a little bigger so I stopped midsentence before I managed to do or say something that I could add to the list of today’s embarrassments.

“Yeah, not only that, he and I also had a great chat.”

“Ohhh well that’s amazing! Come in and we can celebrate all of your successes with a Dr. Pepper toast.” I open the door and back up, allowing Steve to walk through the door. “Make yourself comfortable and I’ll go grab us our drinks.”

I walk over to the kitchenette trying my hardest to focus on the glasses and soda so that my mind wouldn’t start overthinking the reason Steve was here. I figure I needed a distraction and asking Steve more about his workout could be the perfect one.

Heading back to the living area I ask, “So feel free to tell me if I’m being too nosy and don’t answer, but what did you and Bucky chat about? Is he doing alright?”

Steve looks thoughtful as I hand him his glass. We sit quietly for a few minutes as he gathers his thoughts. “He’s getting better every day, which I’m extremely grateful for. Although in all honesty our chat was about me and not him...”

His sentence trails of and I once again am unable to keep the surprise and confusion off of my face. A small, self-deprecating smile graces his face before he continues, “Bucky knows me so well and he could see that something was bothering me. I think focusing on my problem is actually what helped him finally spar again, which I guess is the bright spot in all of this.”

A pregnant pause follows this last statement and I stay quiet while he decides how to continue. Looking at the wall across the room he takes a long drink of his soda and then continues, “I have an awful habit of putting up walls to protect my heart. I have never been the best with relationships; I tend to just push everything down and wait and not do anything about it. Bucky gave me the kick I needed. So instead of playing defense I’m going to be honest.”

With every word he says I can feel my heart rate increase and my cheeks flushing. Every fiber of my being is hoping and praying that he’s talking about me and not someone else. Because if he’s talking about someone else, especially another team member, my heart would break. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but at some point over the last few months this man became my rock. I needed him like air.

Steve takes a deep breath and then looks away from the wall and directly at me. “Like I said, I’ve never been great at this kind of thing, but I wanted you to know that you are extremely important to me. And I know that this is a lot of information coming out of nowhere so don’t feel any obligation to answer. Just know I care about you and I’m glad you are in my life.” He stops again and takes another deep breath.

The sincerity in his eyes gives me the courage to find my voice, “I care a lot about you too. But if you need time to sort through your feelings, take it. I’ll always be here for you. Don’t forget that.”

His small smile is back, and it brings a smile to my face. Maybe we haven’t figured everything out but that’s alright. Knowing that I’m important to him is enough.

“So, in the spirit of taking time, do you want to watch Virgin River with me? Have you seen it?”

“I’ve actually seen season 1 already.” At the once again surprised look on my face, he laughs and says, “Nat and Wanda made me watch it. Although it was actually pretty good!”

“Well, it’s time for you to see season 2! I’ll start it from the beginning.” I grab the remote and restart the season. As the first episode starts, I feel a hand hovering over mine. Still watching the TV, I turn my hand over and intertwine my fingers with Steve’s, thanking the stars above for this night.


End file.
